The Constitution

Preamble: Cambridge University Bowmen (hereafter referred to as "The Club") shall be a society open to junior, senior, ex- and pseudo-members of the University of Cambridge, with the purpose of promoting and participating in the sport of Archery (hereafter referred to as "The Sport") in all its forms, and encouraging the consumption of alcohol.

1. Membership. There shall be two classes of membership, considered equally in terms of voting rights and monetary contributions.

i.Those who turn up because they like learning the Sport and have nothing better to do on Sundays.
ii.Those who have made the Sport a rather sad way of life, practice a lot, turn up to Pub Nights (q.v.) and generally are a source of bewilderment to (i) above.

2. Annual General Meeting. The Club shall hold an Annual General Meeting ("The Meeting") annually, to which all members are invited. The Meeting shall be held in a random date in the month of May, as announced by the Secretary, and Coffee shall be provided. At the Meeting, the officers shall give reports of the year's business to the remaining members, and the members shall be required to elect an Executive Committee (q.v.) to replace the incumbents. Nominations for official posts must be made verbally to the Secretary no later than one working minute before voting. Only members of the University of Cambridge may be nominated. Immediately after the meeting the recently "deposed"
Executive Committee shall either:

i) Hide all material, papers, records, silverware and other chattels relevant to their previous posts, preferably in another continent. or,
ii) Burn and scatter the ashes of same, excluding silverware, which shall be Stolen.

3. The Executive Committee. The Executive Committee shall consist of the following officers, elected at a Meeting as described in (2) above.

The Most Honourable Captain of Shafts and Shooting (hereafter known as "The Captain"). The Captain shall be ultimately responsible for the Club and its business, including but not limited to matters of safety, coaching, competition and alcohol consumption. The Captain shall also be permitted to Take the Credit even if all the actual work has been done by someone else entirely and this is the first time he or she has heard about it.

The Worthy Secretary. The Secretary shall be responsible for entering and arranging tournaments, writing the Newsletter (q.v.) and doing all the jobs which it looks like the Captain will never ever get round to sorting out.

The Junior Keeper of Treasure. The Junior Keeper of Treasure shall keep a register of the members of the club, and shall harass them for payment of fees. He or she shall keep accounts of the Club's finances in association with the Senior Keeper of Treasure, and shall be entitled to express annoyance at said Senior Keeper at any time.

The Most Meticulous Keeper of the Equipment. The Keeper of Equipment shall ensure the good order of those articles owned by the Club for pursuit of the Sport. He or she shall repair and replace them as necessary, and shall carry out his or her duties with unparalleled dry humour and cynicism.

The Guardian and Overseer of the Records. The Guardian of Records shall be responsible for an accurate account of the scores posted by members in pursuit of the Sport, and shall complain a minimum of once in every calendar month about the illegibility of names and non-completion of recognised rounds.

The Secretary of Indulgent Social Excess. The Secretary of Indulgent Social Excess shall arrange, regulate and promote all Club activities which are not related to the Sport.

The Most Revered Collator and Distributor of Postal League Results. The Most Revered Collator and Distributor of Postal League Results shall collate and distribute the results of the Postal League(s).

In addition, there may be Ex-Officio members of the Executive Committee, defined as last year's committee members Hanging Around so nothing goes horribly Wrong.

The Executive Committee shall also select one, and only one, Senior Keeper of Treasure.

4. Fixtures. The Club shall participate in a number a regular Matches in the Sport, as follows:

The Varsity Match. The Varsity Match shall be held on a wet Saturday in May, and shall be hosted alternately by the Club, representing the most honourable University of Cambridge, and the Oxford University Company of Archers. An English Albion Round shall be shot by the competitors, and order shall be kept by a qualified judge or the hosting Captain. Women shall be awarded an advantage in terms of points, to be agreed by the Captains. The four highest-scoring archers from each club shall be termed "The Teams" and the total scores of the Teams compared. The Match shall be won by Cambridge. The winning Team shall be presented the ridiculously shiny and expensive Varsity Rose Bowl, and members of the Club's Team who score in excess of 650 (700 in fine weather) shall be awarded a Cambridge Half Blue.

The Joshua Taylor Match. The Joshua Taylor Match shall be between the Club and the City of Cambridge Bowmen, and the Joshua Taylor Cup shall be awarded to the victors.

The British Universities Sports Association Championships. The BUSA Championships shall be held at a secret location very far away.

The Brunel. The Club shall send representatives to the Brunel, and they shall either win, or be second by an infuriatingly small number of points.

The Oxford University Indoor Tournament. The Club shall win.

The Grudge Match. The Grudge Match shall be held on a damp February Sunday morning and shall consist of a Frostbite Round. The competitors shall be equipped with Hangovers. The Club shall win.

5. The Newsletter. The newsletter shall be written by the Secretary and shall be amusing, informative, risqué, bi-termly, and shall have a name consisting of a witty pun on the initials of the Club.

6. Pub Nights. It is at the discretion of the Secretary for Indulgent Social Excess to declare that an evening be recognised as a Pub Night, and to announce the location of same. Pub Nights shall take place primarily in public houses, and shall be open to all class ii) members of the Club, their loved ones and servants, and, exceptionally, to class i) members wishing to join class ii). Activities shall consist of the consumption of alcoholic beverages, earnest discussion of philosophical issues, the mocking of the Executive Committee, and Being a Bit Silly. After the Pub Night, the class ii) members shall decamp to the Captain's Room or an alternative, previously arranged venue offering the same or similar facilities. The Captain's Room shall contain: obscure and revolting alcoholic beverages, dirty mugs, coffee and not enough chairs. No Greek or Greek-style alcoholic beverages may be kept in, or brought into, the Captain's Room. If the Captain shall be incapacitated through consumption of certain beverages, he or she is on no account to be given any whisky, scrumpy or contraband Greek spirits. At the conclusion of the Pub Night, members of the opposite sex are permitted to Tuck the Captain In, kiss him or her Good-night, and wish him or her sweet dreams before leaving. They are not permitted to make derogatory remarks about the Captain's sobriety.

7. The Annual Dinner. The Annual Dinner shall be held in the Michaelmas Term and all members shall be invited. The Dinner shall consist of four courses and coffee, and shall be accompanied by a selection of fine wines and port wines. At the conclusion of the Dinner, the Captain shall make an inebriated speech, at which juncture the Menus shall be signed. Alcohol-induced merrymaking shall continue until at least two o'clock in the morning.

8. The Garden Party. The Weather shall be wet. Large quantities of alcohol shall be drunk, as shall be the outgoing Executive Committee.